Rug v. Wade
There is a wonderful beautiful funny woman (and she makes me laaaaaaugh) who just bought a condo in a city known for it's deep dish pizza. She's acquired some great new furniture and home accessories in the last few months and is really enjoying being a homeowner. I can't wait to visit her and see her new digs.I just received a frantic call from her. (Identities have been altered to protect the innocent and hairless.)
Transcript of our call:
Her: "Cat! I don't need a cigarette. I don't need a sip of whiskey. I need a fucking dose of Demerol."
Me: "Why...what's wrong...are you okay? Did you hurt yourself moving furniture?"
Her: "Yes. I mean no. Yes. I got the one thing that's worse than a brazilian...a total and complete removal of all hair DOWN THERE. I was lying there, sweating and shuddering at the mercy of the Russian woman with wax and now I'm all flustered. It's throbbing. I'm trying to walk it off...I'm at Nordstroms."
Me: "ALL hair??"
Her: "ALL hair."
Me: "Holy shit. Put some frozen peas on it. That's what I did when I had a crink in my neck."
Her: "I'm thinking if I just do something to distract myself it will hurt less so I'm shopping."
Me: "Go to the lingerie section. Buy something hot to show off what you don't got."
Her: "It’s like I have that warm feeling where I have to look down and make sure I didn’t wet myself. You know?"
Me: "..."
Her: “Cat, my rug looks so good."
Me: "What? I thought you said it's totally GONE?!?!"
Her: "No. No. My RUG....At my new place. It looks so good in my living room."
posted by gracegow @ 1:23 PM
<< Home