Bacon or Sausage?
This morning I pondered that wonderful question that millions of diner waitresses have asked: "Do you want bacon or sausage with your eggs?". Did I treat myself to a little morning feast at IHOP? Oh no. I'm not talking about eggs on my plate. I'm talking about EGG ON MY CAR. Last night my car, along with a prelim count of about 10 other vehicles in my neighborhood, got EGGED.Reaction #1 - .05 seconds after egging discovery:
You little juvenile delinquent fuckers! What kind of sick joy do you get from defacing someone elses property? What the hell do you, at the ripe old age of 16ish, have to be aggressive and violent about? Oooo has the stress of GYM class driven you to the edge? PLEASE. And wasting food - don't you know people are starving and that a dozen eggs could feed a village in Namibia for 2 weeks? And let's not discount the impact that this egregious display of vandalism will have on the impressionable pre-K to 8th grade juvenile delinquents of tomorrow. This is not the kind of Head Start program ole Bushie is talking about! Ew. Now I have to clean up dried sticky eggshells. Gross.
Reaction #2 - 2.5 seconds after egging discovery:
You little juvenile delinquent fuckers*! The idea of hurling an innocent fragile egg at a hard surface, hearing the impact of the viscous goey yolk smacking into the tempered glass of a drivers side window, witnessing the chunks sliding down the door panel and ooze onto the ground in pathetic little bits? Well. THAT could be one of the most gratifying things I can think of doing right now. Pure fucking cathartic genius.
If you guys* go out again tonight, CAN I COME WITH YOU?
posted by gracegow @ 8:51 AM
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